This post in a sentence: removing misery is not the same thing as being happy.
When I was a younger man, I fell for the “arrival fallacy.” Professor Tal Ben-Shahar coined this term to describe the “illusion that once we make it, once we attain our goal or reach our destination, we will reach lasting happiness.” It doesn’t matter whether the goal is finding a spouse, becoming a parent, or taking your company public. You’ve fallen for it, too, if you’ve ever said, “I’ll be happy when _________ happens.”
Some people discover the danger in this empty self-promise earlier than others. I pity those, for example, who don’t find our until they retire that there’s nothing so good in the golden years to make up for decades in a job they didn’t enjoy. It’s like pulling into the train station you always dreamed of reaching, only to discover that the whole place is surprising empty of what you thought you might find. You can find out too late that the whole point of the trip was to enjoy the scenery with your fellow travelers.
Perhaps we all dedicate ourselves to projects that we think will bring us fulfillment, only to figure out that the results do not deliver the expected rewards. I had my own experience with the arrival fallacy. I spent a couple of arduous decades building businesses, on the assumption that the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow (financial freedom) would make it all worthwhile.
Well, the financial freedom did alleviate a lot of misery in my life. I no longer had to set a painfully early alarm, or hustle all day trying to stay ahead of all the stressful tasks, or solve the same problems I had already solved too many times. I had removed many afflictions. But removing pain is not the same as experiencing pleasure. Freeing yourself from hassles doesn’t mean you’re happy. So now I’m in the process of embarking on a new kind of life project, trying to discover how I can invite more good times into my life, especially through the process of helping other people grow. And I hope I’ve discovered these insights early enough in my life that I’ll have many more years to enjoy the ride with my fellow passengers.